Because the Solution Isn’t More Free Condoms
The first time I held a condom, I was a 20 year old college sophomore.
Like at most colleges, condoms flowed like cheap beer from a
keg through the hallways of every dorm on campus. So one day in October, I wasn't surprised
that a small, lubricated gift in red plastic was slid under my door. I would later learn that my boyfriend was the
source of such shenanigans when he ripped open the tiny package and declared,
"I can't believe that you're pre-med and have never seen a condom before!"
Whether or not I was pre-med, I was also a good, Adventist girl. Growing up, I attended church every week and had strict, West Indian parents who did not allow me to talk to boys on the phone, much less date them. Engaging in any type of activity that might educate me about the male anatomy more than the public school system of South Florida already had was unthinkable. Not that I would have been tempted anyway.
Sitting side by side with my equally awed and silent classmates in 7th grade, I had watched "The Miracle of Life" in all its bloody, gory glory as part of my sexual education class. Leaving that darkened classroom, I had vowed never to do anything to my body that might possibly result in that.
Obviously, they have stopped showing that video.
Pregnant minors are popping everywhere these days, much to the chagrin of parents, taxpayers, and most recently, voters. In the case of Bristol Palin, liberals have used her pregnancy to deride the Republican advocacy of abstinence education and question the maternal abilities of her vice presidential nominee mother. Pointing judgmental fingers at parents who are obviously less competent and holy is nothing new, but what about the claim against abstinence education?
Although my middle school did a noteworthy job of instilling fear and trembling, the importance of abstinence was reinforced by my parents, church, and wholesome '80's television. In comparison, television shows today routinely feature nudity, suggestive commentary, and sex before marriage as the norm. Raw and perverted song lyrics objectifying women and viral videos praising multiple sexual experiences flow freely from radios waves and computer screens. And, even in a media and internet-deprived environment, if young people fail to exhibit sexual aggressiveness towards others, they are ostracized and labeled as freaks.
Communication about abstinence is a two way street, though. Proverbs 22:6 reminds parents to "train up a child in the way he should go" and Proverbs 12:15 says that a "wise man heeds advice." Even in a world where parents work more, children talk less, and the internet is seemingly unstoppable, the practice of abstinence will never be successful unless everyone makes a conscious effort to promote it. Teenagers have to be encouraged to search their Bibles and form their own opinions about purity. Young adults should remember that they are the models for teenagers who are coveting their freedom, lifestyle, and behaviors. Parents have to be more vigilant about what they expose their young people to and talk about sex more openly.
The human race has become masterful at proffering solutions to the wages of sin. We cannot depend on a society that pushes Gardasil in the direction of nine year olds and promotes the distribution of free condoms by city health departments to encourage abstinence. Instead, we need to be the voices stressing the importance of keeping the temple holy (1 Corin. 6:19) and gently explaining God's plan for a young person's life (Jeremiah 29:11). After all, the free condoms are obviously not working.
- Shayna Bailey's blog
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 | Shayna Bailey | Shayna Bailey is best known for her weekly relationship advice column, "Unplugged," published in Insight magazine. She also provides a young adult voice for Christian dating and relationships in several other venues including print magazines, blogs, and Christian seminars—which she frequently hosts. Shayna's first joint book, The GODencounters Devotional: Pursing a 24/7 Relationship with Jesus was released this spring and is available at your local ABC. She holds a B.A. in Psychology from the Johns Hopkins University and is a full time medical student in Washington, DC. |
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Re: Because the Solution Isn’t More Free Condoms
Shayna, you're slipping, I'm the only contributor since Sept 4, Uh oh? Anyway, my real question or point is, Sarah Palin, who I think is a marvelous addition to the McCain ticket, and I tend to lean Republican, the point, she is against age appropriate sex education and for abstinence only. Ta Da! Now she has a pregnant 17 year old daughter.
What your take on this?
Regards, Douglas
Re: Because the Solution Isn’t More Free Condoms
Elaine Nelson
In your opinion, do all pregnant teens who become pregnant represent poor parenting? Must we find someone to blame, and if so, who?
Bristol Palin is fortunate in having parents who approve her "choice" and will stand by her in a shotgun wedding. What about the millions of boys and girls facing parenthood who don't have such supporting parents? And, would the Palin's stand by their daughter's choice had she chosen to abort? Should that be an option for a young teen who hasn't finished her education? We know that the odds of a successful marriage are greatly reduced when the new parents are so young: half of what the success rates are for those who wait until they are 25.
No one approves teens becoming parents, but the odds are overwhelming that they marjority have had sex before they are 18, regardless of their religious beliefs--they are still human and the hormones are ignorant of religious beliefs. If you had a teenage daughter who told you (as I'm sure the Palins were told), what would your response be: marry the boy? Or raise the baby with grandparent's help? Incentally, on Facebook, Bristol's boyfriend had once written he never wanted to have children. How's that for the start of a successful marriage or fatherhood?
Re: Because the Solution Isn’t More Free Condoms
Elaine,
At the public school my two daughters went to, their sex education included taking a programable doll home that would cry during the night, and need to have diapers changed, feeding times. My youngest daughter nearly had a nervous break down over the distrubance to her sleep and had to bow out after the first night.
Hopefully abstenience only have other than just say no in the program, is my point. When teenage children realize their childhood ends with a child, I believe they think twice about unwed sex.
Regards, Douglas
Re: Because the Solution Isn’t More Free Condoms
Elaine Nelson
Your title "The Solution Isn't More Free Condoms" fails to reveal the question. What question is being answered by your solution?
If the question is: How can I avoid STDs or pregnancy, condoms IS a solution, though not the only one.
What is being promoted other that total abstinence until formal marriage? While that may be the ideal, in real life by the age of 18 more than 50% of young people of both sexes have been intimate. If abstinence is the perfect solution, we would not have the demand for abortions nor unwed mothers.
If one does not drive, nor become a passenger in an automobile he will forever be protected from an automobile accident. Likewise, if one never marries, he or she will never suffer the pangs of divorce. Expecting, even hoping, that a young person today, who when completing his education will probably be 25 or older, to be totally abstinent is wishful thinking and the far greater odds are against that probability.
Emotionally, most people are not ready for marriage until mid-20s; but unfortunately, biologically they are ready for sex and parenthood several years before that. Did God create humans to live as moderns today? Or, were they suited much more for the existence that was experienced for most of this world's history when marriage was both arranged by parents and long years of formal education was not so necessary? Can we live today as did our long-ago ancestors in every respect, or only some?
Douglas, that plan has been used in many schools and is very effective. Also, even better, is the goal set in the child's earliest years, that their plans for the future require that they not be side-tracked with the opposite sex too early and focus on becoming the person they truly want to be--which takes a long time, uninterrupted by too early sex.
Re: Because the Solution Isn’t More Free Condoms
The first time i held condoms i was in Astoria NY some people stopped me on steinway street i must have been in my mid to early teens and asked me sex ed questions when i got them right they gave me a huge ziplock bag full of condoms but i told them i didnt need it i was to embarrassed to take them.
Okay, the more they give out
Re: Okay, the more they give out